May 21, 2018 2 min read

Am I bisexual or a lesbian?


Q: For the first time in my life I had an erotic dream about a hot girl that I work with and now and can’t stop thinking about her. Does that mean I am bisexual or a lesbian?

A: Not necessarily. What you are describing is actually quite common. Women can be aroused by a wide variety of images and fantasies. Now doesn’t that come as a surprise?

Sex research revealed that when men viewed images of straight sex, gay sex and animal sex, they were only aroused by their personal preference – straight men do not think man-on-man action is hot and vice versa. But straight women viewing similar images responded to all of them with sexual arousal – some experienced only objective arousal (an increase in vaginal secretions while viewing these images); others experienced subjective arousal (feeling mentally aroused).

While this research suggests that women might be turned on by various kinds of action, it doesn’t mean that we have a wider variety of sexual preferences.

What I have found in my practice, is that women are often very upset – even disgusted – about their fantasies or dreams involving other women. They start to assume that they might be gay or bisexual, and if that doesn’t fit in with their value system it can cause severe distress for them.

Some have even gone on to experiment with same sex experiences, enjoyed it and now don’t know how to make sense of it all – they’re sexually attracted to and want a long-term commitment with men, but they don’t understand why their minds and bodies might secretly respond to women.

The feedback that I give is that there’s a big difference between the things that we might find exciting and the way we actually choose to live our lives. Compare it to an affair for instance: having a hot stint with that married guy from senior management might be very exciting, but is it worth risking loosing the things we value the most in our lives?

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