The typical couple that the MSH doctors see, is there because the woman has a low libido – she does not want to have sex as often and as desperately as her man does.
This is quite normal, since men’s testosterone levels are usually above twenty and women’s are below two (and often undetectable if she is on the Pill or post-menopausal.)
Sometimes we want to shout to the guy: “Her brain is just not suspended in testosterone like yours!” But we don’t, but rather explain it nicely – and just knowing that they are actually normal helps the couple a lot.
Research confirms that one of the biggest reasons for couples not getting it on more often is just that they don’t get the timing right.
Does this sound familiar?
> He is a morning person (which is normal because a guy’s testosterone peaks in the early morning) but you like to watch TV till midnight so when he gets up at 5am to go to work, you cant think of anything worse than getting rid of your pyjamas and biting your lip all the way through to avoid breathing your morning breath into his face.
> You both work, get home, bath and feed the kids, put them to bed, drop dead on the couch for two hours and then when you go to bed by 11, you know that he would like to have sex, but it does not happen; you’re just too tired.
What to do:
> Decide how often you would like to have sex in a week, look at your diary and schedule it in. Yes, spontaneous sex is more exciting, but planned sex is better than no sex at all and certainly more convenient than doing it when you would much rather be doing something else.
> Tell him: “I would like to have sex with you every day, but at 8pm, not when we go to bed.” There is no reason why you have to make love at bedtime; rather do it at a more convenient time.
> If you feel pressured to have sex every day and you feel like you could really do with a break, why not negotiate sex-free days with him, where you both consent to not having sex on certain days of the week?
You can keep it on the same days or change it every week. It is amazing what it does to women if that pressure is taken off her. He is not allowed to ask on those days, but if you decide to break the rules now and then from your side, lucky guy!