Sex Marks the Spot – Sexual Exploration

*Adapted by Dr. Elna Rudolph from an Article in Woman’s Health Magazine, authored by Kirsty Carpenter and Maressa Brown.

In this article, we explore various erogenous zones and offer some basic tips on how to stimulate your partner.

First things first

It is important to follow the basic steps of sensate focus, including setting up the room.  Always first start with a general massage/light touch before you move on to the erogenous zones.  It is important that you end these sessions with some sensual kissing.  You can start with it too, if you feel comfortable.

Erogenous zones: “Your body is a wonderland”

1. Mouth

Even a peck will ignite the brain’s passion centers and bolster emotional bonding.   Making out boosts levels of dopamine, a desire-spiking neurotransmitter in both men and women.

Start with soft, faint kisses before you explore his/her mouth with your tongue.  To get your partner going, trace his/her lips slowly with your tongue, or softly bite the edge of his/her lower lip with your teeth.

2. Ears

They’re deemed an erogenous zone because of their neural tenderness. You can nibble his/her lobe and take it in your mouth – a move that can feel especially good if he/she has piercings. (The puncture disrupts nerves’ pathways to the brain, which can make it more sensitive.)

The ears can help your partner reach his/her peak. Try delicately nibbling or licking his/her ears as he/she is getting more aroused, while whispering something in his/her ear like: “Do you like it when I touch you?”

3. Neck

This part has a high concentration of light-touch receptors that can go seriously gaga for smooches, gentle petting and even the tickle of your partner’s breath. Rub, kiss, suck or lightly scratch the back of his/her neck, right below the hairline, which is an especially erotic spot.

The back of the neck loves low-frequency vibrations. Take advantage by kissing it with your mouth slightly open and hum. The combination of heat and vibrations will help prompt some serious sensations for him. Or use a small vibrator to massage his/her nape.

4. Nipples & areolae

Yes, guys also enjoy nipple stimulation!  Especially if it is coupled with stimulation of the penis.

Light-to-medium pressure works well here, so it is a good idea to suck on his/her nipple.  You can also activate the nipples’ temp-discerning nerves by first circling them with ice, then lightly drizzling them with warm wax from a soy-based candle (which has a lower melting temp and is less likely to burn skin).  The areola doesn’t have as many nerves as the nipple, so subtle pinching can trump barely-there strokes. You can also squeeze, rub or cup her breasts to rev this zone.   Put a finger on each side of her nipple to add more feel-good pressure.

5. Clitoris

Boasting thousands of crowded nerve endings, it’s her most sensitive body part – so much so, she might not like it if you rush there without warming her up first. Instead, get the blood flowing by rubbing her tenderly on the thighs or the belly before zeroing in on the C-spot. Once she is sufficiently turned on, medium pressure in a circular motion (using fingertips) or vibration (with a toy) at a fast speed are the best ways to fire up the clitoris.  Add some lubrication – if it is dry, it can be uncomfortable.

6. Vagina

The super-vulnerable skin on the outer edge responds to light touch, like stroking and gentle vibration. Meanwhile, the inner part prefers pressure and motion. Tease the opening of her vagina with one finger, then insert two lubricated digits, curving them as you push in and out to increase the feeling of fullness and to get to her G-spot, which is located on the upper wall, close to the opening.  “Come-hither” movements best stimulate the G-spot.

7. Butt

Beyond squeezing and spanking, a lot of men and women enjoy some form of anal play.  The nerves that supplies the anus with sensation, also supplies the clitoris and the rest of the genital area.  Your brain does not easy distinguish between the two!

Arousal and lube are essential first steps.  Tread slowly, use your fingers to circle the opening gently.

Hygiene in this area is of utmost importance! If you are going there, make sure you have taken a shower before the event and use sanitizing wipes on your hands afterwards.

8. Perineum

Behind the scrotum and before his rear entry, this bulls-eye contains a gent’s ejaculatory muscles. Gentle stroking can work, but it is usually firmer pressure that brings the real pleasure.

9. Testicles

No biting or pinching: they’re vulnerable to sharp impact. Try gentle sucking, squeezing, or cupping, which may help some men reach climax more easily during sex.

10. Glans

The head of the penis, or the glans, has significantly more nerves than the shaft, so don’t skimp on the attention. It’s basically the closest thing he has has to a clitoris. Coat your fingers in lube, loop them into an O shape and slide them over the glans. Use short, slow pumps that tighten around the tip. During oral, run your tongue all over the glans and use some soft suction.

11. Penis shaft

Most guys like it handled pretty firmly.  Firstly, make sure he’s well lubricated with either a lubricant, oil or saliva. Then form a fist around the shaft, moving up and down.   You can add pressure as you go and use a firm grip, but ensure you’re always in tune with his non-verbal responses.  This will help you adjust your pressure accordingly. “Think of it in terms of massage, too soft and you’ll tickle, too hard and you’ll bruise.”